Journal 8 June 2013

Yesterday’s shock hanging over me, Saturday was another day of excursions, driving for the school. Before setting off there were many well-wishes, “I heard about the news yesterday”, and “Did you sleep okay?”. I don’t know if it was the novelty or what but a lot of the students wanted to travel in my minibus. Perhaps because I didn’t say no to music being played. My only rule was “don’t have it so loud your crappy dock speakers distort” as they are fond of doing to foist their tracks as much as possible. So to a soundtrack of some kind of hispanic trance pop, pop and dance we headed towards Andover and Tree Runners It was easy to find, just off the A303, down a bumpy track into the woods.

I hadn’t expected to be able to join in due to numbers, but after chatting to one of the staff I asked if Petter and I could join in. No worries. We were fitted into our harnesses and then taught the clipping in system at ground level. The owner wanted me as a hand model and took close-ups of their system. Having been to a Go Ape before, it seems they have gone one step further with a clutch mechanism that ensures one clip is on the safety wire all of the time. It’s an easy system and reassuring. Just as well when you are meters up in the trees.

The courses are graded like a ski resort, easy to hard: green, blue, red and black. I never made it past the blue stage myself, but that was fear aplenty after yesterday. Good fear though, testing one’s mettle, yet entirely safe (although Petter did end up with some kind of heat graze). Everyone really enjoyed it, it seemed, and the students were having a great time on the red and black course. For me the zip wires were the best, way longer than at Alice Holt Go Ape, speeding deep into the forest to land on a padded platform. There’s some novelty sections too, like a snowboard and a bicycle. Perhaps the most scary is the leap of faith at the end of each run, where you step off the platform trusting the friction mechanism to lower you safely.

We ate lunch in the woods then went to Andover to kill time before our group booking at Stonehenge. I didn’t see more than the Lidl car park, not fancying a Saturday town centre. Some other students didn’t go far, preferring to get high on ice lollies.

Now to the unexpected quality of Gang Starr, we headed to Stonehenge not too far away. I’d been a few years before with my girlfriend’s brothers so knew what to expect of it these days. In the early 2000s I went to one of the summer solstice’s where you can go amongst the stones (and the thousands of people). Although back then it wasn’t such a popular and festival-like thing to do. When I was young, still in the 1970s, one could always walk up to the stones, but with more than a million visitors a year this is no longer possible. On the solstices they have to open it up as to try to keep people out got too violent.

Thing is with stonehenge, there’s not much to see if you don’t look and wonder, and if you are not careful it’s over in minutes. We had two hours before due to meet back at the vans. I wondered slowly around, taking some photos, struck at the openness of the site, marvelling at the fact the stones came from 150 miles away, appreciating the Lego-style blobs on the tops of the standing stone to fit into hollows of those on top. We also took some obligatory group photos. I’m on the left doing something or other:

Then while most of the group played around at making human henges and such, I sat down to while the time away, in the bright sunshine and stiff breeze. I was drawn to sit on a bench where a well-dressed lady was writing and observing the scene quite intently. Her attention was caught by our cheerful group, by this stage jumping into rows of arms. I said “I’m with them” and we got to talking about the school, a bit about Krishnamurti, and then about what she was doing there. Earlier we had passed a man doing very detailed drawings of the stones, in a kind of silver pencil. Very impressive work. It turns out the artist is her husband, Mark Anstee, and they’ve been coming to stonehenge for a project lasting for a year. He’s a well known artist and she works in television production I think she said, and also writes. Here’s their web site.

Gabi and I spent over half an hour talking and it was very pleasant and interesting, and relaxingly down-to-earth after yesterday. We talked about how stonehenge was, how it will be with the new visitor centre and side road closed, about who comes to visit and their habits, about their work, and about a man (or was it a woman?) I’d seen earlier in a robe and band of flowers around their long hair. I thought it was a man, some students thought it was a woman. Gabi told me s/he is transgender and designed the country’s air traffic control system(!) and is a leading scientist. On weekends s/he likes to come to stonehenge and is some kind of shaman.

This is exactly what I saw Mark working on on Saturday:

I just looked up their blog and Gabi wrote this about our group:

“A large education group of young people arrive on the grass and have the idea of recreating Stonehenge using bodies. They organise themselves into threes and attempt to build trilithons with two people holding someone planking above their heads with mixed results. They swiftly abandon this plan and go for another picture opportunity with five boys lining up with their arms outstretched while another takes an almighty run-up, and with an impressive leap, twists and lands accurately on the platform of arms. These guys are having the best time here.”

I like it when two blogs meet.

After quite some time I was cold and most of the group had completed the circular tour, so I moved on. There’s a ridiculously small visitor centre (=gift shop). I hope the new one is several hundred times better and suits this unique site. I wonder how the plump tourists will travel the mile from the new one to the stones.

Then it was time for a more mellow musical drive back to Brockwood and home for a quiet evening. I was in bed before 2030 and asleep before sunset.

Here’s some photos I took of the stones:Stonehenge 6

Stonehenge 7

Stonehenge 8

Stonehenge 3

Stonehenge 4

Stonehenge 5

Stonehenge 1

Stonehenge 2

Journal 7 June 2013

Two days of excursions with the school. The first day contained an unusual and disturbing discovery that I will try to describe factually and with no names, out of respect for those involved. But rather than jumping to that incident I’ll proceed chronologically. Sometimes there’s need for an extra minibus driver, basically someone who passed their driving test before 199X, after which one had to take an additional test. Hard to believe I’ve been able to drive for 25 years. Most years I help with the Devon school camp in this way, but this year we were visiting places more locally instead.

Friday was to the Jurassic Coast in Dorset. After a two-hour drive, we parked at Lulworth Cove and climbed the steep wide path from the car park over towards Durdle Door, a path so trodden it’s been paved and almost looks like I imagine a Roman road to look. We were about eight staff and forty students.

Path from Lulworth to Durdle Door

Up on Hambury Tout the view opened up to the west, over St Oswald’s Bay, Durdle door beach and beyond, white cliff for miles, such a stunning area.

View from Hambury Tout

Towards Durdle Door, the South West Coast Path was diverted away from the cliff edge, I suppose because of coastal erosion or just over-use of the path. Similarly, down to Durdle Door itself, the steps have crumbled away and we had to clamber down the earthen sort of steps that must be trecherous in the wet.

In the sunshine, the beaches and water here look so fine as to be Mediterranean or Caribbean or something:

Man O War Beach Dorset

St Oswald's Bay Dorset

Durdle Door Dorset

At the famous arch of Durdle Door we stopped and had two hours to have lunch and enjoy the surroundings. For me it didn’t quite turn out like that. After lunch and some chat and some enforcement of the No Swimming rule (“Sharks in the water” seemed to help) I went for a wander along the kilometer-long beach. I passed student groups, a chalk rockfall halfway along, a couple sitting near The Blind Cow and then a last group of students out near another arch, the Bat’s Hole. These students soon headed back and I continued along, enjoying the cool water of the higher waves through my canvas shoes and picking up unusual stones along the way. I’m not sure why I went to the very very end, into the shade of Bat’s Head cliff, but I did. And there it was.

The dead body of a female, just above the shoreline. I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing. Is it a mannequin, a dummy, a prop somehow washed up? I caught my breath and my senses and quickly started to understand what I was seeing, alone at the quiet end of a very well known beach. Still, it didn’t look quite real, a human body, devoid of any life, skin so pale from the water. Yet so very human still. She almost looked totally relaxed, lying there on the beach, some seaweed around arms and legs, a very horrible expression on her face. Then of course I had to report it but somehow, in my shock, I still wasn’t convinced of what I would be reporting, and to make sure, and I don’t really know why I did this, I hesitantly reached out and touched her hand with one finger. No, it is definitely not plastic.

Time to move! I had no phone, it being back with my bag and the other staff a km away, so I started to run. I soon reached the couple sat on the beach, but out of sight of what I’d found. I asked if they had a phone I could use. The said no. I didn’t believe them but explained to them what I’d found and said not to let anyone else go that way if they could. So I kept running, past a staff member walking back east. He didn’t have a phone either. Later he said I looked white as a sheet. Then ran past all the students who later said they thought my behaviour unusual for me, Duncan dashing about, something must be up. Finally, out of breath, my post-lunch stomach churning, I got my phone and the map so I could pinpoint the body. I moved away from everyone else and out of the wind to make the call. Luckily there was a signal. I couldn’t remember the non-urgent police number, nor did I know if it was an emergency or not, the body obviously being days-dead. So I dialled 999 and was put through to the police section, who put me through to the local police once I’d told of the find and location. They knew exactly where I was and asked me to wait at the entrance to the beach, at the bottom of the non-existant steps.

A man and woman had overheard parts of my call and checked if I was all right. I explained to them and asked them to keep the news quiet. Then I went back to some of our group, keeping one eye on anyone headed that way along the beach – not sure what I’d have done if they were – and another eye up on the cliff for the police arrival. A tight half an hour passed, only mentioning it to a couple of other staff members. I hoped that our two hours would be over and the group would leave before the police came. It turned out that the police came just as the group gathered to be counted and leave. I went up to the three three police to explain things who then swiftly set off. The asked if it was who had called. I would have liked to have just have had a minute or two with them to go through it – not that there was much to say, but just to cleanly hand it over to them – but of course they were keen to set off along the beach. “It’s pretty gruesome,” I managed to say. “Don’t worry, we’re used to this kind of thing,” came the over the shoulder walking reply.

Sparing our students any fright was impossible once they had seen me with the police. They are way too astute to lie to and way too curious for me to be able to keep silent, so I grimly explained what had happened. They were very supportive as we climbed back over the headland and it was good to repeat the story to those who asked. Some mentioned a missing person sign they’d seen up near the camp site, so I stopped and checked the sign on the way past, and it seemed the description of clothing and physique matched who I’d found. She’d been missing for over a week and her car left at the camp site since June 1st. A community support officer asked us to keep the news to ourselves. We passed three police vehicles and one of our staff thought he heard them closing the beach.

I’d have like to have headed home but there was still a trip ongoing, and I was the only one affected. They all stopped for ice cream back at Lulworth. I sat with friends, who recounted similar incidents, asking how I was, going back over things, head light, a little sick, and just letting it sink in as best I could while chat turned to other things. It was both a big deal and no longer anything tangible. At Lulworth Cove I sat quietly taking in the view, watching the others have some fun, although there mood was more subdued and most also seemed happy to just sit about on a sunny afternoon, at another very beautiful spot. Perhaps reflecting on mortality. I wanted to cry and was touched whenever someone reached out to me. One mature student was very matter of fact about it all, not coldly so. It must be because he is from India where this unfortunately isn’t such an unusual type of discovery. I was glad when it was time to leave and I could quietly drive one of the minibuses.

After two hours, back home, I was able to go into it some more deeply. I wept a little in C’s arms, for myself, for the woman, for her family, for the whole sad tale. Later I looked up the news reports. The missing person articles had been updated with the ‘body found on beach’ story and the unconfirmed police identification and brief police report. I suddenly felt absolutely shattered. Later, I slept deeply but on waking the gruesome images returned again and again. I didn’t push them away. After all of the pretend and real deaths on TV, film, in fiction, nothing really prepares for the real thing. Should death be used as stimulating entertainment, to perk up tired lives with stories of suicide, rape and murder? There’s enough of it in this troubled world and on this day some reached out and touched my quiet, rural life. Right now, two days later, I have no taste for death in the things I use for entertainment. My heart goes out to the family and friends, and I hope my discovery allows the grievance needed in them to put her to rest, the story to end.

Journal 6 June 2013

Watching Springwatch and uploading photos to my Around the Way album on facebook, shots of the local area this spring/summer, around Brockwood Park where I live and work. It’s a public album that can be viewed here.

Springwatch. I like Springwatch. It’s so low key and real. Animals doing their (often odd) animal things. Lots of egg-stealing today and a grass snake gobbling a young bird. The others hopped out of the nest to escape. And kites back from the brink.

Earlier, to Southampton to pick up hire vehicles for some end of term school activities. U-Drive. I don’t mind driving their large 17-seaters: they’re already so beat up that the pressure’s off.

Walk then snooze after a silent lunch. We don’t do that very often and today was a welcome surprise, to be able to sit in the sun, eating fine wholefoods, with people but with no chit-chat. Some students couldn’t handle it, giggling from time to time. It reminded me of the 10-day Vipassana course where of course all the meals were silent apart from the first and last days. Allows for proper chewing. Going on the course again in the autumn.

Here’s a scene from the after lunch walk, looking north towards Woodlands, the unexpected greys of the beeches backed by the rape crop brightness.

Woke at 4 then slept again, resting deeply until towards 8, a four hour spell disappearing in a flash.

Journal 5 June 2013

On the run.

I’ve escaped, having been sentenced to execution.

The dream keeps resetting to the moment I escape and the first few days.

I’m crying hard at all the things I’m leaving behind if I’m caught or if I start a brand new life.

This isn’t a usual kind of dream and its refreshing to touch such deep sense of ending.

Dreams aren’t just dreams, they can allow real psychological resolution.

It’s all the brain after all.

If I’m a fugitive how much of ‘me’ can I bring?

Do I start again with nothing and live, maybe, or do I stay with what I know and be executed soon?

No choice but to end.

Either way.

Woke from all that 0730 in a bright bedroom in Alresford.

C already up and working out.

My neck is a bit cricked, which lasted all day.

Dropped my car at Phoenix Auto Services to be fixed: ABS light on and back brakes overhall and new lock mechanism to fit.

I always feel a bit at a garage’s mercy. I know what needs doing, basically, but when there’s a complication and it’s going to cost X amount, what can you do but say yes? Your car is already in pieces. But these guys I pretty much trust. But when did labour start costing £45 per hour plus VAT? In the end it was £490 for new pads, discs, callipers, ABS sensor, a few bits and bobs, and fitting the lock.

At work checking remastered audios back from the studio.

Hot day again, sunny lunch with some Mature Students, talking about the river swimming spot near Alresford. A bit of a local non-secret secret.

Walked my usual post-lunch walk. Which looks like this in places:

Moon's Spinney Brockwood

For a few days more.

By evening the cricked was neck mostly gone.

Watched some of a documentary about the D-Day landings.

Some old dudes remembering it.

Do we become more and more ourselves as we age? These old chaps looked entirely themselves. Such character in their faces.

Journal 4 June 2013

Woke at 0545 thinking it must be near 8.

I awoke from dreams of work issues, not having enough information or information changing and a decision nethertheless is needed.

How I am reacting on waking will become my day.

Sitting still for some time allows it to be different.

Then the day can proceed from there, rather from the slightly panicky feeling on waking as thought catches hold of the past or the imagined future.

Plenty of time for sitting quietly and for a quick run through of the structural integrity exercises, after a lap bath.

Bright sunshiny morning.

Where it happens:

Meditation corner

Cessation of steering means that which was being avoided, by habit really, comes to the fore.

What is it?

Some nausea, an internal giddiness.

Strong sensation of the front of my face, a barrier between the world and me.

Poor face, that’s not what it’s for.

Then it began undoing in a series of odd expressions and tension release.

Look at people’s faces.

How we are inside is right there for the world to see.

The masking doesn’t quite work.

At work, going through the weekly-published memoirs of Mary Zimbalist, Krishnamurti’s assistant, adding to our database relevant information about Krishnamurti talks. Beyond this it’s a travelogue, basically, with hints as to his extraordinary nature.

Lunch in the sun again, with a Korean student who adores Samsung. “Best company in the world!” We ate rice and tofu burgers. Walk after lunch to Brockwood Bottom.

Which looks like this:

Brockwood Bottom

And is really as far as you can go before Brockwood is no longer Brockwood but Joan’s Acre or Riversdown.

Drowsy in the afternoon.

Baked potatoes for supper.

Then to C’s in Alresford for the night.

Finished The Reluctant Yogi which was more factual and less anecdotal than I’d hoped.

Journal 3 June 2013

The day is winding down, the sun setting soon. It’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round.

Dreamt I took out anger by knocking down the outer bricks of a strong wall, blow after blow after blow with the sides of my fists. It didn’t hurt. Not sure anything was different afterwards but it felt good, satisfying. In dreamland.

Got up at 0530 and sat. The mind unsettled, darting here and there. Fizzy. Like it’s over stimulated from yesterday’s event. Very soon, right wrist shaking, then intense shaking of head and the torso twisting left and right, faster faster to some kind of climax, then slowed right down. By the end of 45 mins, the mind was much quieter. Some fatigue by the end of it and I laid down a while, feeling the tired areas where the refreshment of sleep hadn’t touched.

Listened to a bit of music while getting ready for work, including the postman in the sand song, here turned into a surf video:

At work, the reorganisation of the vault continued, with the help of an ex student who was volunteering in the foundation this morning.

Lunch in the sun with a staff member who is leaving this summer, another yogi.

Then a walk. Bluebells fading out, their leaves flopped to the earth, superseded by the ancient and mighty ferns. Then when the view opened out, the yellow on yellow of rape in full flower, behind liquorice beech trees.

Why is ‘liquorice’ liquor and ice?

Surprise visit from C who popped in after dropping a birthday gift off for a friend. Some hugs and smiles before post lunch post walk napping.

Talking of smiles, a friend finished her video project. People of 37 countries, young and old, smiling. That’s it. As she puts it:

Everyone can be a small stepping stone towards a place of compassion and kindness

I’m at 4:21, in a bobble hat, palms together. Many friends are in it, including Doug looking outstandingly hippyish at 1:21. With a goat on his lap why not. I smiled throughout. It’s contagious.

Carrying On A Smile from Carrying On A Smile on Vimeo.

My laptop screen says ‘Godammit’ under the big ‘SMILE’ but don’t tell anyone.

In the evening: Iyangar Yoga class with Sandy Bell in Compton. It’s a really good class with about 10 of us, who have been stretching together for some years for the most part. Lots of arm, shoulder, wrist releases today, along with the usual forward bend emphasis, which is my tightest direction but I appreciate it. I touch places deep inside during Iyengar yoga. I call it yoga with no cheating. With alignment everything stretches in the way it should, safely yet extensively, and maybe you don’t get so far in the pose but it’s done right.

The drive on the way back from yoga is always special, totally there with the car, the road, the music. Today with the sun through the trees as I climbed from the Itchen up onto the open downs, taking the racing line through the bends.

There it is, the sun now set and I’m soon into bed.

Journal 2 June 2013

Woke up at 4, just as the birds began to sing.

Cleaned teeth at the open window, fresh air.

Sat on my little stool.

Watched the breath.

Watched how I controlled the breath.

Let that go.

Stillness soon came.

Travelled around the body, sensation, sensation.

Travelled some more until the organism had its own intelligence.

And it let loose.

No method or technique remained.

Awareness and action.

An hour was soon over.

Then Structural Integrity mobility drills and exercises.

Balancing out the muscle groups.

That took over an hour.

Back to bed for an hour and a half.

The best dreams.

The ones that undo and liberate as they unfold.

I was running, slow mo.

Only very lightly touching the ground.

In doing so, flying higher with each bound, I was no longer able to see.

Bounced into some ropes and rebounded back.

But all was well in my slow motion.

And on landing securely I could see again.

Back up; sun salutations.

Fried rye bread breakfast, with St Dalfour spread.

To work after saying goodbye to my partner and best friend after a long weekend.

The lowdown on the recent trustee meetings.

Excitement in the air for the opening of the school pavilions.

Email catchup. Postcards to family from our camping weekend.

Finding photos for a trustee to gift to a donor:

Krishnamurti smiling in the grass.

Fed the fish on a sunny break, chatting with a friend.

Lunch: risotto rice of two varieties, asparagus, diced roast spuds.

After lunch a short nap.

Then the opening ceremony.

Met on the south lawn, mingling and photographing.

Here’s the project manager looking at stages of the build:

Pavillions Opening 01

The oak beams still very visible in the almost-finished buildings.

Walked over en masse to the site.

Songs, speeches, ribbon cut, naming ceremony, high teas, tree planting, chats.

Took many photos for Friends of Brockwood.

Here’s one:

Pavillions Opening 35

All the pavilions are named after trees at Brockwood.

Afterwards, supper of potatoes and rye bread.

French Open, the last last set of the Federer match against a plucky local.

Cut my own hair with clippers.

Wrote this.

Aim to sleep by 10.

Weekend Walk 47 – Bishop’s Waltham to Nr. Owslebury (Allan King’s Way)

The fourth stage of my King’s Way walk, from the palace in the south Hampshire town, north-west across the wooded lower downs, into the South Downs National Park. This walk passes Wintershill with its Roman Road, Upham, Blackdown (great views), Baybridge, finishing north-east of Owslebury. Georgeous countryside, very rural, bright spring sunshine and some very curious calves.

Hampshire Architecture – TE Owen’s Southsea

In the 19th Century Southsea spread eastwards from the initial building east of the Portsmouth walls. This growth was slow at first, from around 1830-60, with the creation of the villa suburbs around Kent Road, Sussex Road, Queens Crescent, Portland Road, Grove Road South, The Vale and Villers Road. These roads were planned and built for the most part by TE Owen, who gave them a spacious feel with walled gardens, curved roads and gentrified villas, lodges and terraces. It’s some kind of leafy, expensive, stucco heaven. He centred this new suburb on St Jude’s Church (1851). To the south are Netley and Clifton Terraces, by Gauntlett.

Thank you to all the owners who allowed me on their property to get better views. Here I present the listed buildings of central Southsea, along with some general views, starting with my favourite today, 3 Queens Place:

3 Queens Place Southsea 1847 (Owen)

Hampshire Architecture – Southsea: The Terraces, Castle Road and King Street areas

In the early Nineteenth Century, building spread outside of the city’s defensive walls with their moats and vast ravelins. Facing the battlements to the west, running north to south, several terraces were established, beginning around 1809. Southsea meets Portsmouth here and the space offered must have been very appealing compared to the cramped conditions of Old Portsmouth and Portsea. From the north, the terraces are named Hampshire, Landport, King’s, Jubilee and Bellevue. Much of the area was bombed in WWII and since modified, but many of the early C19 houses survive, with the characteristic maritime bay windows seen in Old Portsmouth. Behind the terraces, small streets were established by skilled tradesmen: the ‘mineral streets’ of Croxton Town – but were all bombed. Just further east are Great Southsea Street and Castle Street, with many plain but stylish town houses, my favourite designs, and a couple of older villas, along with early 1900s pubs and antique shops. Southsea Lodge was built in the C18, before there really was a Southsea, and before it was a resort, in what must have been a fairly rural area. To the north are a couple of other pockets of C19 houses, in King Street and Gloucester View and Mews. Gloucester View is a well kept secret, a superb terrace of identical houses in a cul-de-sac. Gloucester Mews in Norfolk Street hints at Owen’s Southsea to come. Park Lodge may have been built by T. E. Owen’s father. Further west towards the old city are the former Clarence Barracks, now Portsmouth Museum, a quite spectacular affair built for officers, and the Victorian lower school of the grammar school.

Here I present the listed buildings of west Southsea, and Portsmouth east of the wall:

How King’s Terrace once looked:

Kings Terrace Southsea

Meditation Journal 6 May 2013

A total action, a total seeing, an action whole, that has no residue. An action that has after effects of only the possibility of more right action. At some point, due to habit loops, I suppose, the non-total actions resume and thought takes over the game of time, with its memories and projections, fantasies and concerns. And yet in the quiet of sitting, the whole actions can return at any point, from a direction not expected, familiar yet new new new. In these moments there’s an absence of feeling that I should be doing something else, that something else is more important. In these moments there is no where else to be, nothing else to be doing, nothing more valuable or more beneficial than here and now, when I am not, but only awareness is. This is not a state or something to get to, and it’s closer by than I ever imagined.  

Meditation Journal 5 May 2013

May 5

That thing being avoided, it’s not what I think it is. From a distance it warns me of all kinds of things as to its nature. It’s fronting. Go near with a tender heart and caring attitude and it will start to change. It might get worse in it’s extreme behaviour and intensity, but stay with it, in affectionate yet skeptical awareness, and that intensity can’t last long. The games and the fornting are soon revealed for what they are: layers of protection. Thought wrapped around emotion, round and round. Curiosity allows the connection to continue, the soft listening. The breath may go wild, panting, shallow, fast and ragged. Stay there, without force or expectation. The body may react in shaking, exquisite tensions, all sorts of things, but that’s part of the game: it’s all good. Ultimately, I discover I am it, or I am doing it. For me at least, this inquiry needs quietude, some time doing nothing, sitting still, time to breathe, to listen, to connect, to allow things to change as my reactions change, to see the subtler doings, where my approach is refined and the right awareness is forged in the fire of attention.

Cheriton Wood

Not far to the north west of where I live is the largest wood in the area, Cheriton Wood. It’s near the site of one of the famous battles in the (Un)Civil War. I think it was closed to the public for most of the time I’ve lived here but is now open under the CROW Act. Here are some images from walking through the woods, and just outside the trees.

Meditation Journal 2 May 2013

Vipassana Meditation May 2

Waking up early now, naturally at 5-something or 6-something, with the birds and the sun. To the stool or cushion I go. Trepedacious but welcoming the chance to… what… make friends with myself. It sounds corny as hell, but how can one be comfortable with life, and allow change, if one is antagonistic within?

Usually the first twenty minutes are breathing and allowing thought to catch up with things it wants to think about. There’s not much I can do about that. I’m not big on the whole ‘bring the awareness back to the breath’ stuff. Thoughts processing, clearing up a few things, running back and forward. Then the emotional side shows up, and this needs a slightly different kind of attention, the mind naturally quieting. A kind attention. An embrace. And then later, the deep sensations of the body begin to express. Today deep into the eye areas, and the gums and teeth. A different attention again, one of the body, with a steady, unjudging gaze of the mind, overseeing operations but without taking control.

This is becoming good fun, and very very good for me. So much so that I even want to continue come evening time for another hour.

Meditation Journal 23 April 2013

Breathing, breathing, thinking, thinking, thinking, thi… thought sees its own doing and is suddenly unwound and a purer presence is apparent, action in the moment unfolding rather than continuing on familiar lines. Sensation, sensation, sensation, sens… where has it gone, that pain which was so dominant moments ago? Waves of bliss, ecstasy, wellbeing, from the base of the spine to the top of the head, a sense of tingling lightness across the sides of the head, an expansion, openness. Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anx… it shifts and mutates as it is listened to, touched, let go of, without a purposeful letting go.

Deep rest early in the morning, beyond that which eight hours of sleep can touch.

Weekend Walk 46 – Hambledon to Bishop’s Waltham – Allan King’s Way

Third stage of the Allan King’s Way.

A spring walk from the village of Hambledon in East Hampshire to Bishop’s Waltham with its Medieval palace, on market day. The path crosses the Meon Valley at Soberton before climbing to the semi-urban areas of Swanmore and Waltham Chase. This walk linked up places I hadn’t thought of as being near each other, intersecting the usual transport and valley routes.

Hampshire Architecture – Portsmouth: High Street, Penny Street, Peacock Lane, Grand Parade

Here we have the central area of Old Portsmouth. High street runs from just inside the now flattened defensive town walls, down to the coast near to the Square Tower, where it meets Broad Street and Grand Parade, just past the cathedral. At the north eastern end are the former Cambridge Barracks, now the Portsmouth Grammar School. In between are many C18 and C19 town houses, pubs and a former bank. Grand Parade is next to the Royal Garrison Church, and Penny Street runs parallel with the High Street, with a few surviving pre-war buildings. The narrow Peacock lane joins the two streets. Pembroke Road joins Old Portsmouth to Southsea, where along with Landport, gentrified properties overspilled when the old town got too crowded. The Cathedral was started in the C13 and underwent many additions over the centuries, including a large extension to the south west in the 1990s. To the north is Landport Gate, redesigned in 1760 and remaining in its original location but without the earth banks of the walls either side. Here are all the listed buildings of this area and a couple of street views:

A map of Portsmouth in 1762, showing the defensive walls and extent of the old town:

Portsmouth Map C18 1762

Quit smoking by smoking

I haven’t smoked since the 90s and this is something along the lines of how I stopped smoking:

Forget about stopping smoking. Rather, you are going to make it a meditation. When you are taking the packet of cigarettes out of your pocket, move slowly. Enjoy it, there is no hurry. Be conscious, alert, aware; take it out slowly, with full awareness. “Then take the cigarette out of the packet with full awareness, slowly, not in the old hurried way, unconscious way, mechanical way. Then start tapping the cigarette on your packet, but very alertly. Listen to the sound, just as Zen people do when the kettle  starts singing and the tea starts boiling… and the aroma. Then smell the cigarette and the beauty of it… Then put it in your mouth, with full awareness, light it with full awareness. Enjoy every act, every small act, and divide it into as many small acts as possible, so you can become more and more aware. Then have the first puff… Fill your lungs deeply. Then release the smoke, relax, another puff, and go very slowly. If you can do it, you will be surprised; soon you will see the whole stupidity of it. Not because others have said that it is stupid, not because others have said that it is bad. You will see it. And the seeing will not just be intellectual. It will be from your total being.

~ Osho

(This dude did a lot of crazy things and crazy people often surrounded him, but he also sometimes made a lot of sense.)