Week three of the course is called Opening Into Vulnerability. This week’s focus is backbends and my back is getting a thorough workout. Lots of energy around the solar plexus and heart, a nervousness that feels terrible and great. It’s what I need to feel and it’s right there to touch. My hips feel flexible and open. Sleeping less; more alert. I’m appreciating the return to GMT and lighter mornings.
Nearly
Behind the usual to and fro, the hint of possibility of a peace.
Notes on Dreams
By the end of a dream, still continuing with a game that has long since gone to pieces. Nobody else is playing or interested but you carry on because you don’t know what else to do.
Early in a dream the events are focused and immedite. Later they are disparate and problem solving is weak, left helpless. The beginnings of dreams, as far back as can be remembered, are deep and weird.
During stressful and fearful stages I go blind. I still have to do what I have to do but I can’t see at all, or can’t see faces. This adds greatly to the anxiety, bumbling on.
Moving Toward Balance – Week 2
Day 4 of week 2 and it’s pretty full on. Not so much the practices but the relentlessness of it. Normally I would be stopped by now, the four or five days then a good break if at least that length. But here I am, getting up an hour earlier each morning to stretch in all directions. Today the focus was on upward dog, learning the right position not to strain the lower back. It feels good this course. What I need, and taking me beyond my normal normality.
Twford River Itchen Walk
I want to start making a few videos of my excursions into nature. The idea came during the walk from Southampton a couple of weeks ago. I was going to wait until I had a video camera but thought I’d just start with my normal camera in movie mode. The big problem with that is the audio doesn’t come out so well.
Duncan’s Weekend Walks – No 1
Moving Toward Balance – Week 2
The tendency is to keep on moving in the same way. After an escapist Saturday in bed I wanted to carry on with the same behaviour of checking facebook, playing with blog widgets, browsing, watching videos and maybe another movie. The beginning of week two was in the way. But once you roll the mat out and begin reading and then stretching, slowly that changes and the connection with breathing, moving, strengthens. By the end of it, all the fizzy escapism seems rather unecessary. I am not sure it even works, just shifts things round inside so they don’t seem too bad. And also to try to cover up lonliness and disconnection. So I guess it works in a disguising way only. Of course the brain keeps moving even when doing something more basic like yoga, but there is far more possibility for awreness of what’s going on.
Week two introduces the sun salutation in individual postures and today twice put them all together. Also some nice rejuvinating relaxations and sittings at the end.
First iPod Post
This is my first post from my new iPod Touch which arrived today all shiny and gorgeous. I downloaded the WordPress app which seems to work pretty good. There’s some great features, not least the text entry.
But otherwise it was a grim day, waking up after extreme jealousy dreams with a headache, sore throat and wisdom teeth, gums and jaw aching. My wisdom teeth continue their evolution when I’m doing some proper yoga.
I began last Sunday Rodney Yee’s Moving Towards Balance, which is an 8 week course over 6 days per week. I’ve really liked it but the four day thing happened again. Which basically means I start to feel stirred up, angry, resentful, emotional, and that things are getting worse not better. But I am going to definitely see it through the whole book, no matter what. Last time I made it to week 4.
The start stop yoga of the last, what, 13 years really does have to change as it’s getting a bit silly. I mean, what is the problem with feelings? Easy to ask after a day laid up on bed sleeping and entertaining myself. The important thing is to do it without force and without violence that I must do it. I want to, and I know it will be hard.
Element Beginners Yoga
My latest home class has been courtesy of the Element Beginners Yoga DVD, led by Elena Brower. I normally resist these ‘keep moving at all times’ dynamic style classes because I’ve found it hard to keep connected to the breath and body while switching from pose to pose to pose. This one is different. Yes, it raises energy but in a careful manner, and enough small pauses and quietening poses to balance it out.
The instructor is like some kind of Italian goddess, looking tall, strong, elegant. I love the way she reminds me to smile often throughout the 50 minutes routine. I’m not sure of the style of yoga, what it’s called or the lineage, nor do I care, as long as it feels good. I’ve been really loving the ‘return to the land of the living’
Netley Walk
On the freshly charged scooter to Winchester, the train to Southampton, a free bus to the Town Quay for the start of the walk, (supposedly to Hamble although I didn’t make it that far.)
I started with a look around the Quay, with car docks, ferries and restaurants. Strange shiny dome over the water:
Military and Industrial presence all around, with cargo ships docked nearby and so many car imports. Casinos.
The Solent Way starts here after the ferry from Hythe. I walked through the south of the city, past some of the old town walls, the worlds oldest bowling green and through a park to Ocean Village. Traffic getting quieter in the corner under Itchen Bridge, I went up some crumbling steps, 30 years old, to the Bridge. Haze clearing in the midday sun, Samaritans signs all across the bridge.
Across the river was like the other side of the tracks. The old Vosper yard being demolished and grim old shops, sewerage smell.
A sad old bench along the entire wall of a works building. The security guard asked what I was doing when I took this: ‘Just having a look’:
Glad to reach the shoreline, I continued along the Solent Way to Weston, with its 60s blocks and 30s shelters:
Past the blocks and West Wood is another type of dwelling altogether, Netley Castle, and behind it the ruins of Netley Abbey.
Across the Water the whole way, the oil refinery of Fawley. After looking around the abbey I lay in the shade under an oak tree, a world away from the city and docks and run down suburbs.
Then through the village with bright terraces and cottages to the water again at Netley Hard, and into the Royal Victoria Country Park. The sea wall has crumbled here, material sucking into the sea at high tide, so the Way goes through the park, which was once the site of a huge hospital used from the 1860s until after WWII. Half a mile long! The chapel remains, along with some of the outbuildings, now used for Police Training, including what was the asylum. The chapel is a visitor centre.
This is where I cut the walk short, wandering around the park, watching a bit of a dog show, or agility contest, and then through the marshes back to the village.
Finishing up at the station to catch the train back to Southampton Central. A walk of great variety, seeing so much in a short afternoon’s walking.
The Hamble adventure must wait till next time, probably starting at Netley, walking the remainder of the coast to Hamble, across the ferry to Warsash and up to Bursledon…
London Underground
Whilst undergoing something of a detox weekend after a holiday in Sweden (rich foods, wine and whisky) I’ve been watching some TV and films. BBC4 had a ‘Tube’ night about the London Underground. I’ve always been part-time fascinated by the underground and it history (the oldest in the world and the first to go electric). The styling of the stations and graphic design, along with the map is unique and interesting. Here is a video extract about the tube map by Harry Beck, from BBC’s Design Classics. One downfall of forsaking geographical accuracy: those who don’t know London will take the tube from eg Queensway to Bayswater, taking at least 10 minutes whereas on foot it takes a minute!
John Lennon Animated Interview
I love these kind of animations, juxtaposing image with word. I’ll make some of my own sometime, with photos. For now, here’s a great one, with wise words from Mr Lennon (who I haven’t really paid attention to for about ten years, but this really makes sense… except perhaps the peace idealism, but he’s on the right track)
Bob Ross Painting
I really enjoyed watching and listening to this fellow. 25 minutes flew by!
Update:
Aww, shucks, they’ve removed the video. Search You tube for Bob Ross
Chithurst Walk
We started at Iping Church in West Sussex, heading east towards Chithurst. In the first field behind the church, with horse trial paraphernalia in the middle and close cut grass, a dog joined us, running around and barking excitedly. He came with us as far as the stream whereby he stood in the water waiting for us to do something that usually happens when he stands in the stream.
By now the sun was out. The next field, just before Chithurst was horsey too, with new creosote fences enclosing thoroughbreds, one with a very young pony.
We passed through Chithust just south of the Monastery, heading northe through an orchard of a variety of tall narrow trees, maybe being grown for towns and cities, then into a lovely meadow with views of the South Downs. The soil around here was very sandy, the paths being like those to a beach.
Then it was into the woods, Wick Wood then Hammer Wood. There was a garden open for charity so we had a look but it was more of a garden party, with creepy jazz music and men in cream suits cooking meat. We about turned, haunted by the music through the dark woods, floowing the steep bank. Very old trees. The last of the wood was managed by the monastery, where monks and nuns sit in solitude in huts among the trees. We left the woods where the nuns have their accommodation. Tibetan prayer flags in an English wood.
Then it was up the dark sunken lane and back into the sun, to follow the Lane back to Iping, home of the Invisible Man by H G Wells.
Cheesefoot Head Walk
Not a ‘Head Walk’, whatever that is, but Cheesefoot Head is a viewpoint at the western end of the South Downs, close to Winchester.
I parked the scooter in the small carpark, after a very windy ride. The gales were strong up on the downs but that was the point, to feel the wind high up, warm on a sunny July morning.
I headed south through field of wheat, swaying and flowing in the wind, switching directions, oceanic. At least, I think it was wheat.
It was an open walk, with great views
Sometimes poppies among the grain
Then crossed the A272, heading north along Rodfield Lane, before picking up the South Downs Way, feeling like I was in the grain belt of America
The tone changed as I came upon a field being converted into some kind of tank playground, exposing the chalk beneath. Then it was into the trees to return through Temple Valley to Cheesfoot, with views over Chilcomb down.
Spiritual Warfare
“Heaven, salvation, compassion, mindfulness, self-awareness, inner tranquillity, peace on earth, goodwill to all men,; these are all safe, no mess, no fuss, spiritual objectives, undemanding, low impact, easy on the pocketbook. … They don’t conflict with our current conditions and can be easily integrated into our busy lives. …. Our spiritual itch is adequately scratched. No one gets hurt or does anything crazy; certainly no one unplugs themselves from the great hive and wanders off on their own.” Jed McKenna
Car running on water?
Japanese Water car
Thought
So you are thinking, or, there is thought, doing its ahead and behind thing, going over the past, planning ahead. Then you realise this and there’s a resistance, as if thought is bad somehow. The tendency then is to stay in that slightly guilty feeling for a while, thought having been stepped upon by the ‘no, you shouldn’t be thinking.’ So the ‘shouldn’t be thinking’ feeling is the master for a while, but thought will come back somehow. That’s the tendency.
How about continuing to think despite the feeling that you shouldn’t be thinking? Then you get a much more interesting situation, a game, a play between the two thoughts, more equal. The original thought cannot exactly do what it would do without the ‘shouldn’t be thinking’, and the ‘shouldn’t be thinking’ doesn’t get it’s victorious (if slightly guilty and violent) residential.
Then something new can happen because the thought won’t ‘come up’ as it’s already up and the no won’t ‘no’ because it’s already ‘no-ing’, and the game will naturally cease after a time, allowing a fresh energy and understanding, awareness.
Thought does not ‘come up’. More like ‘drives in’, but the concept of feeling of it ‘entering something’ needs to be questioned. Just because it’s a common experience doesn’t make it true.
Sickness
A lingering sickness, one week now, a nausea close-by, muscles heavy and weak, digestion bubbling, farting, too loose. Spaced mind, sometimes not knowing quite where I am. Taking it easy, gently, but still stretching. I cannot stay this side of the sickness. More open to talking of my past, more open to how I’m feeling.
Stress Relief
This morning I followed a video from Yoga Zone. If the New Zealand video was gay yoga this is definitely hot LA woman yoga. It’s led by a German-sounding guy with two leotarded yoga instructors demonstrating. It’s called Stress Relief and Conditioning. Relief. Evaporation. Release. Opening. Unwinding. It’s a little exertive at some points but generally these words are what it’s about. Since yesterday I have also been sitting still for 10-15 mins twice a day. At the end of yoga and after work in the evening sun. Breathing is key to stress relief. It becomes very apparent when breathing fully is forced. To investigate a natural breath as I stretch. Awareness of breathing, awareness of stress and tension, leads to new possibility. Awareness is not tense. Watching is tense. A little snoring during lie down.
Sunday Walk – Salt Hill
A bright sunny Sunday, a scooter ride over Old Winchester Hill and beyond into new territory to me.
After passing the mysterious, deserted, HMS Mercury, barbed wire and cold war, I parked the Vespa at Hyden cross and set off east along the South Downs Way. A shaded path along the edge of Hyden Wood before turning north, downhill towards East Meon. True Faith by New Order in my head: I feel so extraordinary, something’s got a hold on me, I get this feeling I’m in motion, a sudden sense of liberty.
The path leads down through sheep pastures to the source of the River Meon, springs forming shaded ponds. Just before that, a little dog ran out of its garden all self-important and barky, giving me a nip on the ankle, then ran off. “Little bastard!” I shouted loud in anger.
Then across the lane and up Small Down, learning a lesson from a few years back to take the easy way up – it rises 100m in about that – Small, yes, but steep. Beautiful views to East Meon.
Up on Salt Hill, paragliders floating in the blue, model gliders, hangliders lined up on the ground.
Then back past the gloom of Mercury, no doubt waiting to be redeveloped, to the Sustainability Centre, holding The Hampshire Green Fair. Traditional crafts, games for kids, woodworkers, yurts and tepees, a band playing in a hot tent. I bought a wooden heart for Caroline and some Romany clothes pegs. Later I learnt that the nearby Leydene Park is the last stately home built in England, in the 1920s.
Falling Awake 