Vipassana Meditation Day 23
Within the discipline of sitting for one hour there is a hell of a lot of freedom. I’m seeing the absolute value of this Goenka-taught technique. It’s tempting to sit there and be somewhat aware of the breath, meanwhile the mind and body continues pretty much as when in sleep, or awake, or a blend of the two, doing it’s own thing. I.e. not so different from just resting. Not that ‘different’ is the point of this. The point is to come out of suffering and that’s not going to happen sitting and daydreaming and being vaguely aware of the breath or anything else. So there’s this simple technique of moving attention through the body from head to feet and then from feet to head. To notice sensation. To be in touch with sensation. To be aware of sensation in equanimity This sensation is the elusive ‘what is’. Or should I say this sensation, together with the reaction to it, or non-reaction, together with the awareness is the ‘what is’. And it’s there that things change, shift, move, in a way that is way beyond my understanding. There’s a nature there in our organism, that knows what it needs.
So in the freedom of sitting, when the right arm starts shaking I let it shake. I thought, ‘Not again,’ and then the thought went and I was there with the arm as it shook, lifted, moved over to the left, shaking intensifying, tensions through the upper arm into the neck and then my head joined in, moving side to side, wobbling into the low jaw, loose and mouth dribbling as it shook in a way that is beyond my ability to shake by volition. It’s kind of wild. Wild seems genuine. Not enforced wildness but wildness that comes in this setting of sitting. It calms down at some point. I come back, breathing deep, like after sex or running.
Talking of sex, there’s a massive energy down at the base of the torso. I think it’s sexual but it’s not really, that’s just the way its gone before. Where does it want to move, what does it want to do? It moved past the point where the body reacts sexually, into the very low abdomen, where it all tightened up, the energy tingling and oozing so liberally, and then dissipates. Liberal like it has endless resources. And then it’s all over, the shaking, the energy moving, the wildness that I don’t understand, nor want to, and it’s me and my body and time for work.
After this morning’s wildness, very very smooth. Thought settling down, seemingly to the very bottom of the brain. I’m sure physically that’s not where it is, but that’s what it seemed like. Above that, a vast expanse of the mind, full of energy and vibrancy, very spacious. And this is so very restful, even in the alertness. No shaking this evening. Gross sensations: inner thighs, central upper back, and that was about it. Intense energy around the bottom of the spine, sending shivers of bliss and something like a mini-orgasm up through the back. This without the sex and the genitals beying invoved. Interesting…