Vipassana Meditation Day 16
am 25 mins
Didn’t set my alarm and was blissfully unaware that it wasn’t 6am but 0745. So, 25 minutes anapana instead. Returning to the breath and – bang! – no thought. Some time later, some kind of daydream, then without it being a problem, back to the breath and – whoosh! – no thinking. In the no-thinking stages, it’s clearer what’s happening with watching the breath – how much ‘watching’ the breath really means ‘doing something to the breath’. So I suspect that watching thought really isn’t watching but subtle forms of management. How do daydreams begin? How do they slip past the watcher? The answer seems to be that they are of the watcher itself, myself and so no slipping past is needed.
Feeling slightly ill all day, a survival day. And yet after a shower and some laundry chores I sat in an unprecedentedly still state for the hour. On sitting down it was incredibly apparent the effort going on in my head, like holding course or steering. It was so apparent that in the ceasing movement of the body, it could also cease as an unnecessary action. Then I was able to softly move without effort through the body, down then up. On resting back at the top of the head, the ill feeling was right there in the chest. I felt it for some time in it’s sweet nausea and a fluttering quality. There was nothing to think about and there was deep rest in the peaceful state. Sometimes some thinking of a practical nature came, found an answer, and left again. Some feeling that I’d like the hour to be over came. Yet it felt so right, so I focussed on why I’d like it to end and some aches spoke up – centre right of back, inner thighs, left side of neck. So those were the sensations, without scanning, of tightness, tension, contraction, pain. Somewhat sloppily I sensed these. And then it was into the lovingkindness stage, and the element of myself who has had to cope with the outside world, interactions, was very tired and as scared, no different as when an infant. Some sadness was expressed and I acknowledged great thanks. A meeting. And then it was over and I wrote this.