Meditation Journal – Day 12

Vipassana Meditation Day 12

am 1hr

Coming up on two weeks since the end of the course, the momentum created by the course and others has pretty much ceased. I’m on my own now, in terms of deciding to sit. And there’s a fuss about it, some protest, many excuses. Usually based around: ‘later’. And new rules: ‘let’s not do it on the weekends,’ ‘let’s cut the time of each session,’ ‘let’s do it after breakfast,’ ‘let’s not do it at all.’ So what gets me sat down? It’s the inherent value of being in touch. Not really any measurable value, either. It’s not as if I’m getting somewhere or gaining rewards. Perhaps I am but there’s nothing collectable. There’s loss and something else that comes when the unnecessary is lost or ceases. There’s a quieter mind and a way less tense body. I suppose these are measurable and I can grasp thoughts and therefore say: ‘let’s sit.’ But it’s not really for that reason. More like there is nothing else left to do. Every other trick on how to live has been tried and exhausted. This isn’t how to live in itself, but there’s a certain validity in what happens when the body is in stillness, a validity less tangible in the activity of daily life.

A still sitting. Each area tightening as attention moves to it, over it, through it. It’s much like a yawny stretch but without movement – there’s a moment of tension in the stretch and then a release. The sitting gives much opportunity for this kind of release, but without ‘doing’ it, just awareness without reacting. And if there’s reaction, it’s apparent. No real mystery.

pm 1 hr

Kind of high before I started. Or a sleepy drowsy kind of lack of thought, from an afternoon nap, after walking for a few hours. After some anapana, moving from part to part, and flowing within that part. More from the centre outward today, than just on the surface; a trend starting subtly a few days ago. Each section tightening up or straightening out. Belly goes in, like a yoga bandha, shoulders go back, legs tighten to perfectly strung, before softening as attention moves elsewhere. Right arm shaking at times. Thought clearing away. Somehow it feels it is safe to do so, the body in complete stability.

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