Up at 6 as usual. Sat down in my corner by the window and radiator, only slightly on now that it’s spring proper. Sky light after a stunning red before dawn, seen out of the bathroom window. On the cushion of husks, on a padded mat, a wool blanket around my shoulders, which usually has fallen by the time it’s over. Not that it’s ever really over, but the hour goes, very soon compared to an hour say at work or reading. After letting thinking dominate for 20 minutes or so, trying to solve unfinished business, reminding me of outstanding issues in the office, things to do, emotions current and long past, I began a casual scan from the head to the feet. After a couple of rounds, the connection got deeper, the feeling of the body much closer, and the character of each part of the body and its sensations right now more apparent. I lingered where sensation was stronger, back of the neck and shoulders today, pelvic floor, genitals, bearing in mind the tendency to run with the nice feelings and shun the tense or painful. It is all what it is. And modification of that by the mind is not accurate, is a vain attempt to do something about it. This is a mistake. Not to condemn it, but it is false. Sensation is valid, genuine, real, and there it is, curious and calling out. Through much of it, the head shaking side to side and there’s no stopping it without great unnecessary effort, so I don’t.
pm 45 min
The high of TV watching gave way to the reality of me sat on a cushion, stiff neck, shoulders and my head involuntarily shaking. I suppose it’s my body’s attempt to release tension. A relief to sit quietly of an evening; so easy to occupy endlessly.