am 1hr

Foggy at first, mind swimming from thought to thought, deep in muddy waters. Slowly, slowly I was able to bring awareness to the top of the head and begin properly, probably 10 minutes into the session. The hand waving and head shaking seems to have left, perhaps for good, and didn’t occur at all during the 10-day Goenka Vipassana retreat that finished yesterday. Scanning slowly, it took the best part of the remaining session to scan all the way down to the feet. The feet are the only part that move now, tightening and releasing as awareness travels through them. Back up through the right leg and the fire had started in the back of the thigh, a sciatica-like pain. Curiously, this pain is mixed with intense pleasure coming from the base of the pelvis, the two sensations meeting each other and blending. Encouraged by Tim Park’s experience of sitting through pain from one minute into his first sits, I stayed for the whole hour, more than I did for most ‘optional’ sittings at Dhamma Dipa. The sexual energy, appetite now fulfilled on returning home, was less wrapped in thought fantasy, and was cleaner and more natural, less manipulated.

I am happy to have found this authentic practice. As last time in the time after the retreat, I am eager to sit for tow hours a day, no matter what. We’ll see…

pm

Sort of intended to sit after yoga class but it’s too late in the evening once I’m home and ready.