Journal 12 June 2013

Not feeling so well today. Weak, some soreness of the throat, negativity, some morbid fear lingering close by. Woke and meditated as usual, in Alresford. Back to Brockwood for work, which was mostly editing summaries of talks, with some entering of new books to the archives. Hard to go anywhere about the community without having to update people, and still retelling the story to those who ask and I haven’t seen. I don’t prompt any of it; they want it. I spare the gory details. Many quickly want to skip away from the deeper notions of death, lingering so close by to us all, but one colleague and friend whose sister committed suicide quite recently was very different about the subject, much more willing to go into what her death meant to him, what death itself is, and the value and meaning of life. Not that I particularly wanted to go into those things now but the honesty and frankness was refreshing, as it was to touch these deeper themes in conversation.

So, a low key day, just getting by, letting things resolve and find their place. I found out that the dead girl was a singer song writer, not well known, but has a few videos online, and has supported some more well known acts, folky. I wrote to her sister, who did the missing person campaign, to ask when the funeral is. I’d like to attend if it’s a public funeral to pay my respect and have some symbolic ending. The only way to contact was a facebook message, which is a bit of a sketchy way to proceed.

Made some spelt bread yesterday which I’ve been enjoying. Eggy bread this evening.

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