Meditation Journal – Day 42

Vipassana Meditation Day 42

am 20 mins

Feeling fear, in the heart, a fizzy tingle, then down into the solar plexus, and in the belly a tightening. Is that all fear is? Is that what I have been trying to avoid all this time, mere sensations? Added to the sensations are layers of thought of ‘what could happen’, and ‘better to avoid that whatever you do’. The thought seems more powerful than the sensation but it seems a bit tricksy, insubstantial, and certainly inaccurate in its projections. To project it has to use imagery from the past, twisted to pretend to be the future. It’s a scam and I’m onto it.

pm 20 mins

It was asked: Must we go through all this – the practice, the struggle, the reactions? This is the tradition, to try to do something about our predicament, to respond to conditioning with a conditioned approach. Is even calling it a predicament a traditional response? Could very well be. Yet there I sit, two times a day. I don’t know if I’m practising or being traditional, probably I am, yet I am providing an environment where these questions can be asked and answered in reality rather than as a mental theory. And at times, no, there is no practice and there is nothing traditional about it. Within a traditional practice there can be revolution.

Regardless, my body has changed. My back s stronger, I can sit straight with ease, my muscles are softer yet no weaker, and the lines on my face are smoother. My mind is clearer, less chaotic, less reactive. These are all positives that come regardless of the ‘must we sit, must we practice?’ questions.

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2 thoughts on “Meditation Journal – Day 42

  1. Have you had the weird sensations of energy pulsating in various body parts, I should probably just look back and read pevious posts, but just curious. Also sometimes I feel a vibration all throughout my body, as if literally my body is going through changes inside and out…..all of this after a few months of meditating every day. Never had anything like it before…

    • This sounds very familiar. Many sensations going on and the definite feeling that the body knows what it needs. Sometimes I feel like I am being operated on, in mind and body. Energy at work!

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