Vipassana Meditation Day 21
Basically sat there, no adventuring through the body, no awareness of breath. In this non-technique a gripping was immediately apparent, a gripping in the brain, holding on to a safe place and avoiding unpleasantness. In its apparentness it let itself go as unnecessary. Nausea, dizziness. OK, where’s that? Nausea in the stomach and just above, sickly sweet. Dizziness at the base of the brain. Feel. Feel. Allow. It grew, it did it’s thing. Luckily it’s thing wasn’t projectile vomitus! But that would have been OK too, it seems. Once that had passed I was back to the rounds of thinking. It’s so clear that thought is one step away from the actual the whole time. Of course in itself it is actual, but in terms of it being a response, it is a step away, lagging behind the event, or trying to pre-empt to prejudice what’s occurring. The source of thought wasn’t clear but it seems it’s something to do with agitation. Energetic agitation. Later my ankle called out so I listened good, and the arch of the right foot. Then from the ankle into behind the shin, someplace secret. All this taking place in a non-fair weather meditation. Meditation is not for fair weather only but regular and consistent, to be all-inclusive.
My attention would not make it past the lower back. I’d move a cm and – zonk! – off into dreams. Come back, move a cm and – zzzzz! Come back, move a cm and off into some fantasy. That was that and an hour flew by! A good rest. Haven’t been well today, with a continuous headache, so meditated lying down which may explain the above.