Day 6

am

It’s about being in touch. When I’m not in touch, within myself, my body, and with people, there’s tension, restlessness, boredom, and the mundane sets in. What is being in touch? Direct perception of things as they are. Out of touch is things as you’d like them to be, or simply as they are not. As far as I can tell, this ‘as they are’ is forever shifting and flowing, and so that sensation I thought I knew, I no longer know. This is true for yesterday into today, and for this morning into this evening, from hour to hour, from body scan to body scan, and even within the lingering on an area for the requisite minute or two. The lingering is changing as is the sensation. Right action is ‘more in touch’ – for now

pm

After a day of pure escapism, was still able to sit down despite some grumbling about it and trying to find an excuse. There is no valid excuse, but I listen. Considering the day of avoidance, with a feeling of shame nearby, was surprisingly still, quickly settling with the breath and then a part-by-part tour of the head, body and back up. Then another down and up. Sensation: sciatic in right buttock; right ankle; deep around the eyes and upper cheeks; across the centre of the back during the later scans of a hoop around the torso; subtle tingles over the head and in other areas where gross sensation absent. Some nausea. A release of obsessional fear centred around a weeks-away event.