Day X

I am going to write more generally, including experiences when sitting, and some photos.

I made a new rule today which was that at weekends I only sit for the morning session. On lying in bed this evening, watching a chain of partial programmes on TV, ending with Jack Osbourne, I was inspired to break that rule, and sit again this evening, listening to a new CD I bought called Guided Meditations by someone called Bodhipaksa.

I was surprised and slightly disappointed that he has a Scottish accent. But a very gentle voice, taking one though vision, to counting breaths, to relaxing and expansion, to sensing the air, to feeling the whole breath. Maybe not in that order.

I felt I was ‘cheating’ somewhat, not doing it by myself in silence, but after most of the day alone, I felt like ‘being with someone’. Hence all the TV watching, (including a jump through of Death Proof, which seemed to be talking, cars, talking, cars. It’s a trick way not to feel alone.

The TV was all types of shit: X Factor auditions, Top Gear, Millionaire, some TV show countdowns and Adreniline Junky, in which Jack and his some teenagers spent time at some kind of Shaolin trining camp. I’d like to do something like that, some strict discipline, learning about myself and stretching my abilities.

This morning: internet, sitting out in the field on my camping chair, in the morning sun, Krishnamurti with the Foundation (2 of a series of four we are watching). At the end Donna announced that she wants to ‘give it all up’ and go bake cookies and spend some time with her Grandchildren. I’m not sure what she wants to give up – some kind of struggling for something. We have our own hells.

This afternoon: Winchester, walking about, M&S salad in the cathedral grounds in the sun, looking at people, feeling like making connections but no idea how, Tesco, home for a sleep, before the TV evening, the end of which I write these words.

Feeling like I need to break through something, need to use my body more, need to shift stuck energy. We’ll see what happens next…

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