Monthly Archives: January 2009
Winter Road Flat – 1997
This is home, this shoddy flat in Southsea/Eastney, with the cold kitchen divided from the lounge by the red framed windows and doors. The grubby white kitchen with the dirty hob and the crumbs on the floor. The ice monster … Continue reading
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Shamanic Healing Session – 1997
I arrive at the large white house in Southsea 10 minutes early. A long grey haired couple are unpacking their kit. Others start to arrive and we chat in the kitchen. The organizer, big Russell, arrives wearing an Eastern garment … Continue reading
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Vampire Weekend – M79
I really like this band. Here’s a refreshingly straightforward version of M79. Great.
Posted in Music, Video
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The dead-end street – 1998
Change is on my mind. It is happening inside me and I feel it cruising through my head. Tingles. An incredible awareness that will guide me into… what? I just don’t know. It doesn’t matter. There is no need to … Continue reading
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A vague pretense that I am doing my job – 1998
I am £750 OD and we only got paid five days ago. I only have one more payday with Zurich. It is 17:00. My folder is open on an old item report as a vague pretense that I am doing … Continue reading
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The End of Zurich Insurance – 1998
Oh my god, this is so outrageously boring I think I might die. It has been a long day and I have to stay for yet another hour. I do not want to be here. Why have I been here … Continue reading
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No group, system or belief – 1997
Forever I have been wanting to be part of something, and by being a part I would become somebody. But now I see that the somebody I truely will be is not a part of anything, any group or system … Continue reading
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Virgin Soldiers gig – 1996
Chris’s gig at Docs, Southsea – The Virgin Soldiers. Craig and I on the doors, drinking. All sorts of craziness and chaos. Phill fell over the bannisters, not once but twice. The first time he was leaning against the rail … Continue reading
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The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot
I just finished reading The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot, an interesting book exploring a different way of looking at the universe and some of the happenings that can’t be explained so well by the current outlook of the universe … Continue reading
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At Durley – 1996
I have now moved to Durley. It is quite a change already. I am alone in the house now, apart from two cats. One pays more attention and is one the chest of drawers licking its rear left leg. Jennifer … Continue reading
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Own Way
These young people were typically modest and thoughtful. Our culture has no place for such young people and they will have to find their own way. There is no way of knowing how many such young people all over the … Continue reading
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Giving up smoking – 1996
If there’s beer about, I’ll drink it. I will smoke anything offered to me or that I’ve got, if I’m in a smoking mode. Suddenly tempted to go and buy cigarettes. Shall I? No. No smoking. That rule now sucks. … Continue reading
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Escape from Portsmouth – 1996
I have looked at a lovely cottage out in a little village called Durley, which is near Botley, which is near Hedge End, which is near Southampton. I think I will go and live there. I can write all the … Continue reading
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The End of Chelsea Road – 1996
Chris. Letter. Things. House. Wrong. Mess. Broken table. No lounge. Moods. Negativity. New place. New people. Scary. Why? Do it. Give notice. Sell stereo. Sell speakers. Tough. No money. Sell CDs. Miss them? One or two. Keep them. Which? No, … Continue reading
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Food (1996)
I am hungry. I want food. Looking into it, what is originating the ‘I want food,’ the stomach or the mind? At this stage, now, I feel it is only the mind. So I won’t eat.
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Most of everything is nothing
The nucleus of an atom is very small. The electrons whizz round it very fast, but not near it. It is like the electrons are wasps buzzing round the walls of Waterloo Station and the nucleus is a plum in … Continue reading
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Alone – 1995
Not one bloody positive thought. So unhappy. Hurt, pain, despair. Will it ever be OK, or will this up and downing last forever? Alone all day, face to face with myself. Something is wrong. A man should be able to … Continue reading
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Things get broken, people get rude – 1996
I have decided to stop drinking alcohol. Reasons? None that really can be argued. Mainly, it throws me off centre for a few days and I don’t like it. Also health reasons, also money reasons, also I don’t particularly like … Continue reading
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Instead of the Pub – 1996
I am alone in the house, Saturday night. My choice – turned down all offers. Something is keeping me from doing these things and for the first time it isn’t shyness or nerves. I don’t want to talk, or listen … Continue reading
Posted in Journal, Meditation
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