Pretty messed up today. Smoked loads of hash last night and too many beers. Felt like shit, mentally and physically.

I have been trying to reach a kind of perfect mental state and it has been driving me crazy. That isn’t the way. What is ‘perfect’ anyway? So this ideal I have, part of me wants, and so everything I lay eyes on or think about, this part criticizes. I want it to stop but wanting it to stop won’t help either. Fucked up. No. This week was real good.

Have I ever been happy? What is it? I feel so detached from this world and even when people (rarely) talk about ‘important’ things things, I’m still not interested. I want to put all words I write in quotes. I think I’m something I’m not. It’s all right, man! Please. Stop.