I am alone in the house, Saturday night. My choice – turned down all offers. Something is keeping me from doing these things and for the first time it isn’t shyness or nerves. I don’t want to talk, or listen to, bollocks in a pub, or drink, or smoke. That kinda excludes me from the society I know.

Following my mind closely these days and when I stop and lie down, after about five minutes, things start to change. Tingles and tightness, pleasant, at the back of my head. And moments, sometimes lasting, of bliss. Thought stops it. Ceasing thought can’t be forced. This feeling seems the most important thing in my life right now.