It’s 01:53 and I feel quite sorted. I know what makes me happy now. And that, generally speaking, is taking care over things. I’d rather be ‘square’ and happy than trying to be something else. This care extends to clothes and body. I’m already taking care over what I eat. Feel more confident. I am not denying things and it makes it better. Let feelings flow about inadequacies – not good enough, not cool enough. All in the mind. I hope these words don’t cheapen the act, as my mind is always ready to judge. But I’ve done enough of that and it’s changing. I am no longer going to try to distance myself from the world I live in. Yes I am different, but isn’t everyone? Have fun, look after myself and those I meet. Little things. Important things. Positivity. Or else what’s the point? Duty to others?
Applying for a job tomorrow, then come summer I can do something else, like travel maybe. Should I just up and leave here? Where to? I can’t run away and try to be happy. I’ve got to learn from myself, first. Knowledge of self. What makes me happy, not what should I be doing. Becoming something I am not has led to frustration. Discipline can be a very good thing. Good night. Maintain.