Woke at 0430 and listened to iRest yoga nidra for an hour. Strong feelings of fear, a sense of imbalance. Fear of an upcoming presentation at work to forty donors, and an unwinding still from the experiences during the retreat and personal development group sessions. Afterwards a short but restful sleep until 0630. This touches deeply in the early morning, not so much once the day gets going.
AM 1 hour
The fear of earlier had subsided and my attitude was more one of frustration and a background pissed off feeling, which has been there for a long long time. It’s a reaction to being made to do things, stemming I think from secondary school. It was there tangibly in my attitude as I lingered on the back of the pelvis. In staying with a sensation my relationship to that and hence to life in general becomes very apparent. As the seconds passed the frustration turned into a sadness and I wept a little.
Shoulders releasing, and head shaking at times. Tummy less sore than yesterday and in general I’m much more together, appreciating the longer sits and my new space.
Work feature: planned the presentation with Sam, the story of a single video from a YouTube comment all the way back through production, subtitles, digitization, recording, Krishnamurti speaking in the tent, then fast forward back to now and what we’d like to do next and how the donors can help. I’m doing it, with an intro and ending by Nasser. So that of course is on my mind but not too strongly. I think it’s a compelling way to communicate some of what we’re doing/have done/will do.
Evening: sorted books, cleaned old flat, moved very last of my things, got bedside cabinets from the car. Ordered an iMac!