Meditation Journal 2 May 2013

Vipassana Meditation May 2

Waking up early now, naturally at 5-something or 6-something, with the birds and the sun. To the stool or cushion I go. Trepedacious but welcoming the chance to… what… make friends with myself. It sounds corny as hell, but how can one be comfortable with life, and allow change, if one is antagonistic within?

Usually the first twenty minutes are breathing and allowing thought to catch up with things it wants to think about. There’s not much I can do about that. I’m not big on the whole ‘bring the awareness back to the breath’ stuff. Thoughts processing, clearing up a few things, running back and forward. Then the emotional side shows up, and this needs a slightly different kind of attention, the mind naturally quieting. A kind attention. An embrace. And then later, the deep sensations of the body begin to express. Today deep into the eye areas, and the gums and teeth. A different attention again, one of the body, with a steady, unjudging gaze of the mind, overseeing operations but without taking control.

This is becoming good fun, and very very good for me. So much so that I even want to continue come evening time for another hour.

Meditation Journal 23 April 2013

Breathing, breathing, thinking, thinking, thinking, thi… thought sees its own doing and is suddenly unwound and a purer presence is apparent, action in the moment unfolding rather than continuing on familiar lines. Sensation, sensation, sensation, sens… where has it gone, that pain which was so dominant moments ago? Waves of bliss, ecstasy, wellbeing, from the base of the spine to the top of the head, a sense of tingling lightness across the sides of the head, an expansion, openness. Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anx… it shifts and mutates as it is listened to, touched, let go of, without a purposeful letting go.

Deep rest early in the morning, beyond that which eight hours of sleep can touch.

Weekend Walk 46 – Hambledon to Bishop’s Waltham – Allan King’s Way

Third stage of the Allan King’s Way.

A spring walk from the village of Hambledon in East Hampshire to Bishop’s Waltham with its Medieval palace, on market day. The path crosses the Meon Valley at Soberton before climbing to the semi-urban areas of Swanmore and Waltham Chase. This walk linked up places I hadn’t thought of as being near each other, intersecting the usual transport and valley routes.

Hampshire Architecture – Portsmouth: High Street, Penny Street, Peacock Lane, Grand Parade

Here we have the central area of Old Portsmouth. High street runs from just inside the now flattened defensive town walls, down to the coast near to the Square Tower, where it meets Broad Street and Grand Parade, just past the cathedral. At the north eastern end are the former Cambridge Barracks, now the Portsmouth Grammar School. In between are many C18 and C19 town houses, pubs and a former bank. Grand Parade is next to the Royal Garrison Church, and Penny Street runs parallel with the High Street, with a few surviving pre-war buildings. The narrow Peacock lane joins the two streets. Pembroke Road joins Old Portsmouth to Southsea, where along with Landport, gentrified properties overspilled when the old town got too crowded. The Cathedral was started in the C13 and underwent many additions over the centuries, including a large extension to the south west in the 1990s. To the north is Landport Gate, redesigned in 1760 and remaining in its original location but without the earth banks of the walls either side. Here are all the listed buildings of this area and a couple of street views:

A map of Portsmouth in 1762, showing the defensive walls and extent of the old town:

Portsmouth Map C18 1762

Quit smoking by smoking

I haven’t smoked since the 90s and this is something along the lines of how I stopped smoking:

Forget about stopping smoking. Rather, you are going to make it a meditation. When you are taking the packet of cigarettes out of your pocket, move slowly. Enjoy it, there is no hurry. Be conscious, alert, aware; take it out slowly, with full awareness. “Then take the cigarette out of the packet with full awareness, slowly, not in the old hurried way, unconscious way, mechanical way. Then start tapping the cigarette on your packet, but very alertly. Listen to the sound, just as Zen people do when the kettle  starts singing and the tea starts boiling… and the aroma. Then smell the cigarette and the beauty of it… Then put it in your mouth, with full awareness, light it with full awareness. Enjoy every act, every small act, and divide it into as many small acts as possible, so you can become more and more aware. Then have the first puff… Fill your lungs deeply. Then release the smoke, relax, another puff, and go very slowly. If you can do it, you will be surprised; soon you will see the whole stupidity of it. Not because others have said that it is stupid, not because others have said that it is bad. You will see it. And the seeing will not just be intellectual. It will be from your total being.

~ Osho

(This dude did a lot of crazy things and crazy people often surrounded him, but he also sometimes made a lot of sense.)

Meditation Journal 21 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 21

Allowing. Accepting. Feeling. Connection. Is-ness. No other place to be. Contact. A blurring of the supposed lines between me and my body, my body and I. The origins being discovered of deep aches, held tensions, hangups. Is it all in the mind? Or at least in the mind’s reactions? Quietly sitting for one hour, having naturally woken with the sun.

Meditation Journal 20 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 20

Much milder than two days before. And in the midst of the head rapidly shaking side to side, a sudden bliss, a feeling that all is okay, at least right here. Bliss comes from nowhere known. It doesn’t seem to be caused. Evidence would suggest elsewhere that in fact all is not okay. Yet maybe it is. After all, how could things be any other way than they are?

In this local body, there’s the crunchy tensions in the neck, tightness in the tight foot arches, the tender right wrist and sharp right arm up near the shoulder. There’s slight fear in the mind, lifting as the sitting went on and vanishing in the moments of warm wellbeing during and after the head shaking. The hour passed very quickly.

Meditation Journal 18 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 18

It’s getting crazier. After the thoughts have settled and the agitation that I carried forward has ceased, the organism takes over. I maintain a sense of equanimity throughout, quietly watching as the strange ritual commences. A ritual familiar yet variable, never formulaic.  Right hand shaking so very fast. I take a peak and it’s really going for it, wobbling, shaking, rotating, flopping – by my side or overhead, over to the left. A deep knot at the right side of my neck, tingling sharply, then suddenly my head is shaking left and right, again very rapidly, up into the lower skull, then inside the skull around the back and right of the brain, shaking, shaking. There’s tension in there? Nothing I can do. I find myself sometimes thinking of unresolved technical problems somehow, while this intensity is going on. When I’m back in attention, the tension sensation intensifies, as do the movements. Then my whole torso is rolling around, rotating from the waist, like an ancient dance, from sitting. Then I’m arched forward on my hands and the head and neck stretched forward. Soon the right arm shakes again and gives way, so the torso takes my weight and brings me back upright and my arm is free to rave. Afterwards, this all feels exhausting and yet enlivening, like some old, old, very old tiredness has lifted, things I’ve been carrying have been liberated. It’s not so conscious, I guess because this is happening in the unconscious arena where the choice to hold, or not to, is taking place.

Hampshire Architecture – Portsmouth: Lombard Street, St Thomas Street, Broad Street, Bath Square

This area of Old Portsmouth feels very nautical, with narrow town houses, usually three story, squeezed in to form non-uniform terraces, many with those characteristic maritime bays on the first floor. Lombard Street and St Thomas Street are just east of The Camber harbour, with The Point being on the west side: Broad Street and Bath Square leading towards the narrow entrance to Portsmouth Harbour. All of this area was within the old walled city. Apart from the town houses, one can find fortifications, an old savings bank, historic inns, a former bathing house (Quebec House), the Popinjays warehouse, the sailing club and an old customs watch house with an observation hut. Most of the buildings are C18, with some C17 and C19. The landmark former Seagull Restaurant is from the early C20.

Lombard Street:Lombard St Portsmouth

The listed buildings of Lombard Street and St Thomas Street, Old Portsmouth:

Broad Street Portsmouth:

Broad St Portsmouth

The listed buildings of The Point / Spice Island, Old Portsmouth:

Bath Square, Old Portsmouth:

Bath Square Portsmouth

Meditation Journal 17 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 17

1 hour

Deep in the early hours of the morning, white fire in the right calf. Same in right wrist. Head shaking side to side in sweeping movements and in tiny micro vibrations like a power plate. Eyes scrunched. Right foot arch cramping. Belly drawn in and up, pulling the colon in tight, massaging inside. Moans. Dribbles. Coughs. Hand taught. Lips contorted. Neck sharp, up under the skull. Even a brain pain. All this not at the same time, thank goodness, but often one or two concurrent. Not much of the subtle awareness and deep release today. Then back to bed for a good sleep.

Meditation Journal 16 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 16

1 Hour

My body feels relaxed, muscles soft, shoulders and face less concerned. The ongoing ‘work’ is still very physical: deep into the neck and shoulders, and at the inner eyes and into the forehead. Right arm, wrist and feet, but these to a lesser extent than previously. Resistance to sitting: I don’t want to feel anything, just get on with the day. But I know how that goes. And I know that it’s not strong resistance, rather more like a child’s excuses not to do something perceived as slightly less fun than… watching TV or something. A few minutes after sitting down it’s gone, but there’s the ‘all over the place’ attention, scattered, dashing here and there in thought and memories. Suddenly it’s unwound and there I am, awake, daydreams over. A strong nausea soon passes and I can begin passing attention from head to feet and back again. All this is about half an hour. Then the aches, pains, tensions, tingles are immediately apparent; I don’t have to look for them. And when that’s all there is, a high-pitched pain in the neck, for example, that’s all there is. There’s no room or need for thinking at all. And it moves, the pain, so I follow it carefully, slowly, up into the skull, down into the shoulders. Then from the wrist, up the arm, back to the same spot until, suddenly, there’s no sensation – gone – and then there’s another in a different place. Repeat as necessary.

Meditation Journal 15 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 15

Then towards the end of the hour I find that my eyes are open and it’s over for now. Previously, moments of there being nothing but the sensation. It starts out as what I call ‘pain’ but by staying with it, or noticing any moving away, it’s no longer pain but something else, something I don’t know about – I could call it intensity but that’s still fixing it as a thing. And it’s moving, changing, evolving, doing it’s thing of it’s own accord. And the essence of this practice is that it can’t do it on it’s own – express naturally – it needs ‘me’ as a watcher, witness, observer, or beyond these ‘doing’ states, it needs awareness. It needs awareness because without it it’s locked down, alone, isolated. Tenderly I approach and in my approach it’s clear where I am not moving with care, where I’m moving with ambition or a goal, or using force, and the seeing of the non-tenderness is its undoing. Even tenderness itself may be contrived and if so that too ceases. It’s a natural dropping of the unnatural, and only then something new can take place. In the context of the pain, this ‘new’ is release, change, ending.

Meditation Journal 14 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 14

That’s where it’s at. Shutting up. Sitting still. Listening, watching, attending. What could be simpler? That’s probably why it’s not so common: it seems the answer, the thing to do is elsewhere, in the doing, in the experiences to be had, in the life to live and sheer gettingness of worldly life. Not to ignore worldly life, but worldy life without inner work is hollow and all to fragile in its successes and fun.

I’ve been practising lying down, about every other day. But it’s not the same. Sleep is too close by. The body is too relaxed, has to do too little. The slight work in sitting up changes a lot. The energy too is more awake, more daytimey. It’s not like sleep where there’s nothing to do, it’s not like daily activity, it’s between the two, but it’s a step away from bed relaxation. And while there, sat still this morning there was the certainty that there is nothing else to be doing at that moment. Nothing I am missing out on, nothing I should be doing, no experience grander or learning deeper. This is it. Of course I then start scheduling it in: more of this please. Or even just working out when I have time. Again, it’s simpler: if there is nothing else more valid, just do it. Once or twice a day, for an hour each time. No scheduling or persuasion needed.

Hampshire Architecture – New Alresford: Broad Street

New Alresford is about 7 miles east of Winchester. The ‘New’ distinguishes it from Old Alresford village a mile to the north. The old part of New Alresford centres around East St, West St and Broad St, a T-shape. Pretty much the entirety of this area is listed. Broad street is probably the best-known street in the town, for it’s grand scale and colourful Georgian buildings. Many of the buildings have carriage entrances leading to the back of the buildings.

Here’s a panorama shot of the street, looking north, followed by the listed buildings of this street:

Broad St Alresford Looking South

Meon Valley Line: West Meon Station, Viaduct and Tunnel

Crumbling away, still very apparent in most places, the Meon Valley railway line ran between Alton and Fareham in Hampshire. The dismantled railway passes a few miles from my home, near West Meon Hut and at the village. It was quite an engineering undertaking considering the small populations along its route, serving only villages along its 23 miles. This is probably why it only lasted 50 years or so – that and Gosport and Stokes Bay not taking off as tourist destinations. Most of the bridges remain, as does the station platform just south of West Meon. Nothing is left of the iron viaduct except some foundations, abutments and the mighty embankments either edge of the river Meon. Here’s my tour:

First up, the north end of West Meon Tunnel. This is near West Meon Hut. The tunnel entrance is locked and it’s used to store caravans. It’s private property but some bloke fixing his motorhome said I could take some photos.

West Meon Tunnel North-2

West Meon Tunnel North-3

West Meon Tunnel North

Just to the north, Vinnels lane crosses the old line, now infilled almost to the height of the bridge, by soil and by trash:

Road Bridge at Vinnels Lane

Road Bridge at Vinnels Lane, cutting filled in

West Meon Station building is dismantled. It was situated just south of the village along, yes, Station Road:

WM

Some views of the old platform, being eaten by nature:

West meon station

West meon station platform

Platform wall

West Meon station platform-2

At one point the platform lowers to allow people to walk across the line:

Lowered platform for pedestrians

The platform runs under the road bridge of Old Winchester Hill Lane:

Road Bridge at north side of station

Road bridge West Meon station

Road bridge over old station at West Meon

Road bridge arch

The northern end of the station

A few hundred meters north of the station is the site of the viaduct, crossing the Meon Valley. The river here is just a stream. It crossed between two 20m embankments:

West meon embankment south of viaduct-2

West meon embankment south of viaduct

Looking down to the road

West Meon embankment

All that is left is some foundations and the abutments either end of the viaduct, with huge slots for the iron girders:

Southern end of West Meon viaduct

Looking down to the road

West Meon viaduct foundations

West Meon viaduct abutment

West Meon viaduct abutment-2

West Meon Viaduct foundations-2

West Meon Viaduct Foundation Pedestal

West Meon viaduct northern abutment

West Meon viaduct foundations, north side

Steps to side of West Meon viaduct foundations

West Meon viaduct girder slots

North of the viaduct is not open to the public, but I followed the line through some woods, probably overgrown in summer, the embankment turning into a cutting as it approaches the hill:

Dismantled railway north of West Meon

Cutting north of West Meon

Less than a km from the viaduct, the hill is too steep and one reaches the southern end of West Meon Tunnel. It’s closed off with earth, metal and blocks. Where the blocks have been knocked though, bars and wire prevent access. There was a damp breeze coming from the hole, and a strange atmosphere about the place. I was drawn to it, wanted to stay, but at the same time I was slightly spooked:

West Meon railway tunnel south

West Meon railway tunnel south arch

West Meon railway tunnel south-2

Cutting south of West Meon railway tunnel

West Meon railway tunnel south-3

I then walked back to the village via the footpath in the spring sun to shake the mood. Here’s where the viaduct crossed the river and lane, and how it once looked:

Site of West Meon Viaduct

West Meon Viaduct

West Meon Viaduct

Back at the station, the road bridge and looking down to where the station was, and a similar view in the old days:

West Meon Station Road Bridge

Meon Valley Station from bridge

At the former West Meon goods yard next to the station:

Goods Yard Siding, West Meon Station

Former Good Yard, West Meon Station

Site of West Meon Station building

I then drove north out of the village along a little-used gravelly lane over the hill towards Arbor Trees farm where there’s a bridge of the consistent black engineering/red bricks. I find these quite charming. MEL = ‘Meon Line’?

Stocks Lane bridge, near West Meon Hut-2

Stocks Lane bridge, near West Meon Hut

Stocks Lane bridge, near West Meon Hut-3

And another bridge just to the east, probably taken down to allow farm vehicle access:

Peak Farm Lane railway bridge

Peak Farm Lane railway bridge-2

There’s no footpath here, but I couldn’t resist following the old line to the A272 tunnel, for a very different view of a familiar road:

Meon Valley Line above A272-2

Varied textures, colours and crumbly brickwork of the road tunnel:

Meon Valley Line A272 Tunnel

Meon Valley Line A272 Tunnel-4

Meon Valley Line A272 Tunnel-3

Meon Valley Line A272 Tunnel-2

Meon Valley Line A272 Tunnel-6

Meon Valley Line A272 Tunnel-5

Meon Valley Line A272 Tunnel-7

Finally, a romantic image of the viaduct, and a brand new station once upon a time:

West Meon Viaduct

Hampshire Architecture – New Alresford: The Soke, Mill Hill and South East

New Alresford is about 7 miles east of Winchester. The ‘New’ distinguishes it from Old Alresford village a mile to the north. The old part of New Alresford centres around East St, West St and Broad St, a T-shape. To the north of Broad Street is the ancient town bridge (pretty much hidden) and the area of The Soke and Mill Hill, which leads to Ladywell Lane, where one can find C18 (and earlier) houses, the Globe Inn and Old Fulling Mill (C17). At the opposite end of town are Bell House, a former workhouse then mental hospital, and some old cottages.

Meditation Journal 4 April 2013

Vipassana Meditation April 4

am 1hr

In the stillness, the root of a stance, the origin of a snarl, the basis of a tension or an ache, the origin has a chance to change, rather than the usual chain reaction of dislike, aversion. In the stillness, ecstasy bubbling away, different day by day. One day intense sexual bliss, another day as though sex doesn’t exist, celibate  Changing changing. Deep aches at the back of the neck under the skull. Tight mouth causing the disapproving expression I see in so many others and feel emerging in my own face muscles. Right foot tight from the ankle, across the top of the foot, and sharp in the arch. And then in the stillness my attention fluttering here and there, that which isn’t still is highlighted, pinpointed, and here is my very attention, my very attitude and it’s… squirming. Writhing like an injured worm or eel. Been hurt, spiked, and now squirming in some kind of agony. Watch, feel, it’s okay. I don’t want to put it down – put it down like a sick animal, no, nor put it down and forget about it, as I know how that goes: an unsettled day, flitting from thing to thing, ability to listen or focus shot to pieces. So I watch gently, allowing things to change naturally as is their want.

Hampshire Architecture – New Alresford: West Street

New Alresford is about 7 miles east of Winchester. The ‘New’ distinguishes it from Old Alresford village a mile to the north. The old part of New Alresford centres around East St, West St and Broad St, a T-shape. Pretty much the entirety of this area is listed. Most of the buildings in West St are commercial, with accommodation above, and some banks and old coaching inns – The Running Horse, The Bell and The Swan. This collection also includes Pound Hill and The Dean. The majority of these listed buildings are 18th Century: