The ugly, the sad, the joyous, the exhilarating, the dark, the funny, the weird, the enticing. All the thoughts and feelings are close by. Asana somehow raises the energy level allowing the experience of all of this, and much more. And a lot of the time I don’t want to feel them, I just want to carry on in a little bubble of okayness. And this is the work of yoga, the exposing, the releasing, the allowing and the observation, understanding, of all we are. It’s right there, and a yoga practice will put us in touch with it whether we like it or not. I suspect this is why people give yoga a try and then quit pretty soon. It can get tough, even in the gentleness. Breathing really helps. No matter what is happening, the breathing really helps. And there’s nothing to learn unless I am in touch.

Hittleman:

You can be assured that in stimulating the life-force you are increasing your organism’s healing power, and this is the esoteric explanation for the marked improvement in health that is so often experienced by yoga students.

Krishnamurti:

An idea is not a fact, it is a fiction. God is a fiction; you may believe in it but it is still a fiction. But to find God you must completely destroy the fiction because the old mind is the mind that is frightened, is ambitious, is fearful of death, of living, and of relationship; and it is always … seeking a permanency, security.

I chose to breathe fully throughout the whole practice, extending the inhalation to the maximum extent and then a long, smooth exhalation to the every end. All the air out. Before too long it wasn’t a choice but a natural, full breath. I didn’t feel any of the usual nervous energy around the solar plexus, nor in my mind. I felt energy move to where it was needed. I breathed into any tight muscles and noticed them releasing. The breaths got very long; in the pauses between postures maybe only two breaths per minute. There was no avoiding feeling whatever was going on.

Another review day. There are now too many postures to fit into one session; today’s took over one hour.

Hittleman:

The very patient and cautious self-manipulation of the joints, coupled with the elimination of foods that might be the cause of ‘deposits’ could greatly decrease arthritis symptoms and even approach a natural cure.

Krishnamurti:

Virtue has no authority. The social morality is no morality at all; it’s immoral because it admits competition, greed, ambition, and therefore society is encouraging immorality. Virtue is something which transcends morality.

Into the second half of the course. I decided again to practice in the afternoon, in the period after dialoge and before supper. But overall it seems more suitable for the morning, to start the day with something other than getting ready, so reverting to the earlier starts tomorrow. This is our last full day in the Lake District. Tomorrow, the 7 hour drive back to Hampshire.

Feeling a bit spaced out during the practice, and now. Not really thinking so much, not really present, a bit vague. But a good stretch regardless. I suspect the sugar in the egg mayo at lunch.

A good walk in the slushy snow around Tarn Hows this morning. Raining, sleeting. The thaw has begun after three weeks or more of freezing temperatures.

Hittleman:

You are now at a point where your sensitivity is heightened to all things that are occurring in your organism. You will become very aware that what you are eating has a pronounced effect on the way your feel and act. After some meals you will observe that you are alive and energised whereas others will leave you heavy, dull, lethargic in body and mind.

Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 15 January:

To destroy is to create. We must destroy … the psychological, the unconscious and the conscious defences, securities that one has built up rationally, individually, deeply and superficially. We must tear through all that to be utterly defenceless, because you must be defenceless to love and have affection.

I am really appreciating this staff retreat. We spend time each day listening to an audio of someone passionate about life and the possibility of revolution in consciousness. We spend time in the afternoon talking together in a group of 25 about subjects such as Doubt, Love, Attachment, Learning. We spend time in nature, we spend time alone in our rooms. We have time. And of course, a retreat isn’t really a retreat from anything but a step towards something more authentic which mightn’t be so possible or probable during the workaday life.

Yoga today was in the afternoon after the dialogue meeting. The introduction of the Bow. The intensity of the energy generated in the previous discussion of serious matters was able to move as it needed as I proceeded through the physical postures.

I am so grateful to live in a serious and responsible community and to be able to come away for these retreats together.

Hittleman:

If we do not experience satisfaction from our work, if work is continual drudgery and without meaning, we become irritable, frustrated and depressed.

Extract from Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 14 January:

There is a totally different way of learning … but to understand it and to learn in this different way, you must be completely rid of authority, otherwise you will merely be instructed and you will repeat what you have heard.

Woke early, around 0430 and that was the time for today’s practice. The introduction of the shoulderstand, my favourite posture. Since the Kripalu Teacher Training Course I have much prefered the half shoulderstand. It is much easier on the neck, the weight being taken by the shoulders and elbows and is therefore far safer. And it can be done safely by almost everyone, and without props. If I include it in a routine, it enhances the practice and I feel the effects throughout the day, a lasting peace, clarity, relaxation. Just from inverting the body for a minute, or five.

It’s the all-day hike today so in a little bit of a rush to write. We are headed toward Weatherlam…

Hittleman:

The heart is usually pumping against gravity to circulate blood to the vital organs and glands situated above it. With the body in the inverted positions, those organs and glands are now below the heart. The effect of this simple manoeuvre on the entire organism is truly remarkable.

From Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 13 January:

Learning is always in the active present; it has no past.

If you eat chickpea tagine the evening before, your yoga will be farty.

Today was a review day, going over the 15 postures learnt so far on the 28-day course. I very much enjoyed it, the opening and the fluidity of the breath. It felt good. Again, it was difficult getting up into the winter morning, seeming like the middle of the night when the ‘alarm’ went off at 0645. Waking up to an alarm. That’s kind of alarming.

Hittleman:

The chief sources of life-force are: air, water, sleep, food and sunlight. … The yogi is concerned not with the amount of food but with the amount of life-force in that food.

May the force be with you!

Krishnamurti, Book of Life, from 12 January:

What is learning and what is the acquisition of knowledge? Learning is never accumulative. You cannot store up learning and then from that storehouse act. You learn as you are going along. Therefore there is never a moment of retrogression or deterioration or decline.

Didn’t want to get up into the cold tower room at 7. Could have slept for a few more hours. But we are on our staff week and there’s set breakfast times and our group are on cleanup after each meal today. So that, rather than anything like the love of life, got me out of bed this morning. What is that motive to get up? A fearful ‘should’, or a genuine interest in the day ahead? What is your first thought on waking?

In cobra, from the final position, after sustaining it several breaths, gently bend the elbows a little and slowly turn to look at your right foot for a few breaths, inhale back to centre, pressing up into the final pose, then repeat the twist the left side. I find this gets right in under and around the shoulder blades; a lovely stretch.

Hittleman:

Upon conclusion, sit quietly and focus your full attention on how you feel. What effect have these profound physical movements had upon your organism? What is your body saying to you? … This is an exercise in feeling, not thinking.

Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 11 Jan:

There is no learning if thought originates from conclusions.

Yoga this morning in the Tower Suite of Yewfield Guest House in the Lake District. New postures on the course today are the Locust and Side Bend. It was very cold – didn’t want to get out of bed. The northeast wind whistling past my elevated position.

Hittleman:

Most people are finding it more and more difficult to let go even when they are supposed to be relaxing and having a good time. This is because all of the anxious and irritating experiences that have piled up during the day refuse to take a temporary leave. You cannot relax on-cue. Consequently it is not relaxation that is sought, but rather escape, and the result is that tons of drugs and oceans of alcoholic drinks are now consumed each year.

Krishnamurti, from Book of Life, 10 January:

Doesn’t learning imply something new, something that I don’t know, and am learning? If I am merely adding to what I already know, it is no longer learning.

We are on our annual staff week. After breakfast we listened to an audio recording of J. Krishnamurti, from 1979, speaking about prejudice, the known, ideas and the blocking of direct perception. Then a walk to Tarn Hows. I went ice skating on the frozen lake.

Thermal underwear on.

Mind all over the place, thinking about this and that, random remembrances popping in, all the while the body is doing its stretches. Could have done with a couple more hours sleep; I think I was still dreaming as I practised. What is a daydream?

Day 7, full cobra and increased seated forward fold. The yoga takes about half an hour each morning, plus sitting time afterwards. Stiff after clearing a tree yesterday that had fallen across the lane at Dell.

Minus eight celcius again this morning when I left the chickens out. They are very tentative as they leave the warm coop, standing on the plank, eating snow, and not moving very far. It took one a few minutes to jump off the gangway, standing on the edge in a ‘do I, don’t I?’ diving board type of situation. She did, then ran over to the feeder. Glad the small wild birds have also found the grain pellets there. We are deep in snow; the most I’ve seen since a child. All looks ballooned and clean, apart from the poos.

Hittleman on the modern condition: “tense, irritable, overweight, flabby, depressed, and complaining of many aches and pains.” And this in 1969. Has it got any better?

Yoga is the perfect answer since only a brief, enjoyable period is necessary to overcome tension on a daily basis. Yoga will not drain energy; it’s movements are pleasant and stimulating.

Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 7 Jan:

You are listening to yourself and not the speaker. If you are listening to the speaker, he becomes your leader, your way to understanding – which is a horror, an abomination, because you have established the hierarchy of authority.

The deepest snow outside I’ve seen in the UK since I was young. Outside is white with a hint of… mauve.

Exploring sitting still after asana. I feel a definite energy generated or stimulated by the yoga practice, and it is interesting to sit still and feel that, and feel its movement. It starts around the solar plexus, a tingly, unsettled, intense energy. There is resistance, and this resistance is the clue, the learning, the chance of undoing.

Today the introduction of the funniest pose, the lion. Roar! And a preliminary headstand.

Hittleman:

Tension is a tightness or a squeezing that occurs in the organism mentally, emotionally or physically.

Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 6 January:

You will find that the more you listen to everything, the greater is the silence, and that silence is not broken by noise

No asana this morning, today’s class (in-a-book) being all about breath. Practising the complete breath, also known as dirgha breath or full yogic breath. Just what I needed today, slow breaths filling the body from abdomen, chest and into the shoulders, holding for five then a full emptying. Stale air is extracted and the lungs are used to their full capacity, allowing more oxygen into the system. Not to mention prana, chi, life force, energy. Oops, I mentioned it. The movement of the diaphragm and abdomen allows for a gentle massage of the abdominal organs. Nice way to start a day, smooth and steady. I bring full breathing into my day whenever I have the possibility.

I’m teaching my first asana class this afternoon!

From Hittleman:

You will experience a very immediate, positive effect on your emotions and mind from yogic breathing. When breath is slow and rhythmic, anxieties and tensions lessen or dissolve completely.

Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 5th January:

If you would listen… in the sense of being aware of your conflicts and contradictions without forcing them into any particular pattern of thought, perhaps they might altogether cease. You see, we are constantly trying to be this or that, to achieve a particular state, to capture one kind of experience and avoid another, so the mind is everlastingly occupied with something; it is never still to listen to the noise of its own struggles and pains.

A little easier today, a little less rushed, and in the warmer living room. Every fourth day is a review day, going over the postures learnt over the previous three days. My back is opening up again, less tight, and I am appreciating being able to bend forward and look behind me without a creaky oh-oh. Results do not come suddenly but are accumulated almost without realisation.

So far I have had the possibility to go back to bed after the early morning start, but today… work!

Hittleman:

The movements are performed in relaxing, slow motion with very few repetitions. No strain should ever be felt and the practice sessions leave you feeling elevated and revitalised, not drained.

Krishnamurti (from Book of Life):

It is only when you listen without the idea, without thought, that you are directly in contact; and being in contact you will understand whether what is said is true or false; you do not have to discuss.

An impatient session, like I wanted to get to something else, something later in the day. These sessions tend to feel rushed although they take the same amount of time, an unsettled stretch. But not trying to slow it down, just practicing as I am. And sitting at the end, the urges become so very apparent. And the beauty of it is I an not going anywhere, I am sitting still, not doing anything, no matter how I’m feeling. This strong nervous energy generated, felt, at the solar plexus. Breathing with it.

Hittleman has six different postures each day for the beginning of the course, learning them in some detail then repetitions of each, followed by a flow of all six. From his Thoughts of the Day:

Poise, balance, grace and a beautiful carriage emerge naturally from the yoga practice. Stiffness of the joints and limbs, a condition that inhibits poise and good posture are eliminated through stretching.

Krishnamurti, Jan 3:

Words confuse; they are only the outward means of communication; but to commune beyond the noise of words there must be in listening an alert passivity. … It is only in listening one hears the song of words.

Note that Krishnamurti didn’t write for each day of the year; his writings from 1933 to 1968 have been compiled into this Book of Life.

The second day is a tougher day; I felt heavy and reluctant. But I am going to feel bad whether gently stretching or whatever I do today, the only difference is how in touch I am with my body, breath, so may as well do the beneficial thing. And for some moments I actually felt pretty good during yoga this morning. Interesting to pause after each pose and feel the energy and resistance. The energy itself is the guide to what is stuck. I slept till 11 after getting up for the chickens at 0630, so yoga was delayed.

From Hittleman:

The yogis perceived directly that human beings are ‘disjointed’, that is, the body, emotions, mind and spirit pull in their own directions as each in turn demand fulfilment of its own needs and desires. This causes a continual separation and prevents the individual functioning as an integrated whole wherein full potential is realised.

Krishnamurti, Book of Life, 2 Jan:

If you listen through the screen of your desires then you obviously listen to your own voice; you are listening to your own desires. And is there any other form of listening? … Can one put aside all these screens through which we listen, and really listen?